Affirmations Of Personal Growth
by Carole and Killaria
Pairing: Angel/Methos; Angel/Alex Krycek and Wesley/Gunn
Note: These are a group of snippets that came from the
"Affirmations Of Personal Growth" that was posted on the AngelXover Slash mailing list. Don't look for plot or order or sense.
These are actually two separate stories and a few interludes. Don't try to link story 1 and 2.
Rating: R (language)
Disclaimer : Not ours, not even the affirmations. Whoever wrote them, you have our gratitude. We are just borrowing.
Story 1
* * *+ +The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home. + +
Enough was enough. Now that Macleod was hiding himself away in some monastery somewhere there was nothing Methos could do for him anyway. Ahriman's visits were driving him crazy. The guy had no sense of timing. *I'm probably going to give into him eventually just to get a full night of sleep,* the old immortal thought. Well, why not? He couldn't seem to help Macleod here anyway. Ahriman wanted him to leave. With Macleod out of Paris, there didn't seem to be a point in staying, well, except Joe, but Joe was tough. He could handle it.
*Now, where should I go? Bora Bora? No, to obvious. Tibet? No, too much Yak butter. Ah!* He had the perfect idea. Why not L. A.? It was warm and large, perfect for him to blend in. Better still, how likely was it that he'd run into any demons there?
+ + I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan,
whimper and complain. + +
Pain hit Cordelia like a ton, no, make that two tons, of bricks.
As usual, it was cryptic and difficult to understand.
"Pain killers! Give me pain killers!" she yelled at her
compatriots. Flopping down on the chair as gracefully as
possible, she wiped at watery eyes.
"What did you see?" Angel asked.
"Pain killers first. Thank you!" she exclaimed as Wesley
handed her a pair of pills and a glass of water which she
promptly swallowed. Nobody really appreciated what she
went through with these visions.
"Okay." She steadied herself. "I saw a man leaving a bar.
When he went outside he was attacked by a pack of
demons. They were blue, I think. It was kind of hard to tell,
since it was dark. Anyway, they didn't just kill him, but
dragged him off to some guy who cut off his head with a
sword."
Angel obviously had a few questions about details."What
bar? Think back, did you see a sign..."
"You try thinking when someone is stabbing a pair of
scissors through your eyes and stomping on your head.
Fine, give me a second..."
* * *
+ + I will strive to live each day as if it were my 200th
birthday. + +
The nightly visitations had ceased upon his arrival in the
city. *No more demons for me,* Methos thought.*I'm
definitely going out to celebrate.*
And what better way was there to celebrate than going out
for a beer or three. He hadn't had a chance to do that in a
while without his 'brother' Kronos showing up and
pestering him. Plus, it was Benjamin Adams' birthday, not
that Methos ever needed an excuse for beer.
* * *
+ + I am at one with my duality. + +
It was annoying to have to trudge out into the darkness after
every man who left the bar, but how else was he supposed
to see if they were going to the victim that the Powers had
warned him about?
And some of them had the strangest ideas about *why* he
was following them. That had not been a pleasant
experience, best not to think about it.
Well, Angel supposed he could have stood outside and
waited, and while that was a sensible way of doing things,
that also meant that he would lose his view of that
*interesting* man sitting two tables over. Both his demon
and better half were drooling internally and telling him to go
over and introduce himself, but Angel knew that with his
luck, that would be the exact moment that the demon would
strike. He drummed his fingers impatiently on the table.
The object of his distraction rose some minutes later and
settled his coat carefully, almost as if it contained some
heavy objects. It appeared that Angel wasn't the only one
with a taste for trench coats. *Well, looks like he's leaving. I
guess I'll just have to follow him.*
* * *
+ + As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry
a gun. + +
They grabbed him as he walked passed the alley. Methos
could only conclude that all those years when he hadn't
seen any demons were being made up for now. He
managed a swipe at a few of them, forcing them back, but
he knew he was in trouble. *I suppose being surrounded
by five green guys in black leather can count as trouble.*
The universe was toying with him, he just knew it, getting
rid of one demon and then supplying another.
Suddenly, his rescuer appeared. It had been that man who
had been eyeing him inside. He'd wondered if he was
going to introduce himself and had considered taking the it
into his own hands, except he kept vanishing mysteriously
every time he meant to go over. Fate, again, he supposed,
not that he believed in such things.
They turned on the man, actually, since his eyes were now
glowing yellow, it was more likely a demon. His savior was
taking them out, but he was badly outnumbered. *Well, I
guess I can distract them. One demon is better than five.*
When he had woken up this morning, he had known that
this would be a beautiful day. He'd just had a utterly clear
feeling that, if he wanted to, he could walk around unarmed.
This made him immediately suspicious. He pulled out his
gun and shot the remaining demon in the back. It jerked
and his rescuer used the opportunity to finish him off, then
leaned against the wall and looked at the gun quizzically.
"If you had been in my shoes for the past month you'd carry
one too. I think I've lost my faith in the order of the universe."
* * *
+ + The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that
the conspiracy is working. + +
"It has to be Wolfram and Hart. There's no other
explanation."
"Angel, are you feeling alright? Nothing about this points to
them at all." In the past few weeks since he had known the
vampire, he'd noticed a certain obsession towards the law
firm. Angel hadn't bothered to tell him where it stemmed
from, but the old man was willing to guess that it was a
number of factors. Still, they weren't responsible for
everything that went wrong in the world. "They aren't
responsible for everything," he said, stating his inner
commentary.
"I know, but it's just too perfect. They have to be involved."
"They can't be everywhere."
Angel raised his eyebrow in a 'you doubt me?' gesture.
"Wait 'til you've been here a bit longer. You'll start to see
things my way. It's the only way to catch them in the act."
* * *
+ + Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me a
minute...I'll find someone. + +
Angel. Lindsey hated that name with a loathing he couldn't
put into words. It was entirely his fault. In fact, everything
was his fault. The worst part was, he wasn't allowed to
have him eliminated and, as tempting as it was to destroy
his little friends, that would just make him fight them all the
harder. Now, the Senior Partners wanted him to try to bring
that new guy, Benjamin Adams, over to their side. As usual,
they didn't have any suggestions about how to accomplish
this amazing feat.
*Not only does he cut off my hand, he causes the death of
my boss and colleges. I got promoted, but thanks to him,
its most likely to lead to my death. Not only that, Lilah
survived.*
How Angel always managed to link everything back to
Wolfram and Hart was something he didn't understand.
The last time they had been so careful about leaving no
trails. Even that seer didn't explain this. Angel definitely
through a wrench in Special Project operations. Lindsey
shook his head to clear it. It was going to be one hell of a
day.
* * *
+ + To have a successful relationship I must learn to make
it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting. + +
"I suppose I could wish you a happy Valentine's Day."
Angel nodded. "I suppose."
"But I think talking is overrated." Methos nuzzled Angel's
neck, alternating between bites and soothing licks of his
tongue. He lifted his face in front of the vampire's. "Or
maybe I was just too cheap to get you a real present." That
wonderful mouth went down and suckled at one of Angel's
nipples. Angel let out a disappointed moan. "You don't
mind, do you?"
It was difficult to work up the coherence for an actual
answer. The vampire settled for a low growl.
"That's what I thought."
* * *
Interlude
* * *
+ + I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that
hurts more. + +
"Angel!" Merl hated it when he did that. It was very unnerving
to have a vampire sneak up on you. *I wonder what it is this
time.* There was no good business in this town. Everyone
just figured that if they hurt him enough that he would do as
they wanted. It was true, but Merl was thinking of moving
out, going somewhere new, somewhere where he would
actually get paid. "So, what can I do for you, man?"
Angel handed him a picture or a blonde man in the
company of one the lawyers from Wolfram and Hart. Merl
swallowed. This was bad news.
"I want you to find out all you can about him," Angel was
saying.
"Nope. No can do, man. This guy is bad business. If he
ever finds out that it was me..."
"Who is he?" Angel got right up in his face. "You know what
I'll do to you if you don't tell me." Merl knew only too well.
Angel was an expert at improvisational persuasion
techniques. They were never pleasant to be on the wrong
side on.
Merl did the only thing he could. He gave in. "Fine. Consider
this one free. Not that you ever pay me," he continued in a
muttered breath. "Words getting around that he's a bounty
hunter, or at least that's what he says, but he's got a job
with Wolfram and Hart eliminating big competition. You
KNOW the ones I'm talking about. This guy is dangerous,
he kills things like us for a living. Got himself the nickname
Death up in St. Louis. That's all I know. That's all I want to
know. I'm small fry, too easy, but I've heard from a few guys
that he's been killing some of us for fun too, if we're in the
wrong place at the wrong time."
He hoped Angel believed him. He didn't want to be on the
receiving end while the vampire refined his information
gathering techniques again.
* * *
+ + Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for
there are no sweeter words than 'I told you so.' + +
"Are you sure we shouldn't wait for Angel?" Cordy asked. It
was all well and good that Wesley and Gunn wanted to be
all manly and take on the Dozen by themselves, but she
would feel much more comfortable with the vampire
backing them up.
"We can't," Wesley stated. "Who knows when we'll be able
to track it down again." The two men advanced on the
doorway and what lay beyond it.
"It is slimy and, well, big. I'm not sure this is a good idea."
"Cordelia, will you please be quiet. Now would not be a
good time to be distracted."
"Fine, have it your way."
+ + +
"What happened to you two?" Angel stared at Wesley and
Gunn who were attired in torn clothing and covered in slime
and bruises. Wesley was sporting a growing black eye.
"They didn't go after it alone, did they?"
Cordelia put on a superior air. "I told them to wait, but did
they listen?" The men glared at her. "I did. Tell you, that is. It
is not my fault. Next time maybe you should pay more
attention."
* * *
+ + To understand all is to fear all. + +
"Wesley, what did you find?"
It was times like this Wesley hated the fact he was fluent in
so many dead languages. Sometimes it was better not to
know. Not knowing certainly made for more restful nights of
sleep than realizing that the world was probably going to
end tomorrow at around tea.
"Um, well, we have about two hours to prevent an obscure
demonic order from setting off a chain reaction which will
trigger our universe into blending with their own.
Unfortunately, it gets worse..."
* * *
+ + I am not confused. I just don't understand what you said
perfectly. + +
You white dudes sure have funny ideas of dates."
"We're not on a date. We are here to research." The library
was a large old building, filled to the brim with the
knowledge of the ages. Unfortunately, this meant that they
had to search down this knowledge. Gunn wasn't helping
very much.
"It sure sounded like a date when you asked me out."
Wesley sighed, though internally he was enjoying himself.
It would be much more boring without him. "You would
know if I asked you on a date. It would sound something
like 'Gunn, do you want to go slay some vampires?' not
'Gunn, would you like to go to the library?'"
"I don't know." Gunn sounded doubtful, although Wesley
could easily hear a wicked chuckle beneath the words.
"You British guys are strange. That could be a date in
British talk."
"Why are you so hung up on this being a date?" Wesley
finally asked in exasperation.
This time the chuckle wasn't hidden. "Because," Gunn
purred, "I don't kiss on the first date. But I might on the
second."
Wesley couldn't stop the smile that crossed his lips if his
very life depended on it. "Okay, it's a date."
* * *
Story 2
* * *
+ + In some cultures, what I do would be considered
normal. + +
Alex Krycek came to the conclusion that he was having a
really bad day. He had been hired by the Smoker to hunt
down some idiot that had somehow managed to steal a
vial of that damn Black Oil from a military installation. His
orders: kill the bastard and destroy the virus.
Sure. No problem.
So like a good little minion, he had flown to L.A. and tried to
do his job. But he hit a snag: the fucker wasn't human.
He'd tried damn near everything: shooting it in the head,
shooting it in the heart, using regular bullets, using *silver*
bullets. Nothing worked. The bastard would just get right
back up again and go about his business, practically
*daring* Alex to try again. The prick didn't even have the
decency to even *notice* the poison that Alex had managed
to slip into his drink.
*Why me? Why can't my life be easier? All I want to do is
kill something and get paid for it. Is that too much to ask?*
He considered the problem for a moment, then smiled
grimly. So the bastard wanted to play rough, did he? Fine.
This time he'd use the C-4.
* * *
+ + Joan of Arc heard voices too. + +
Not for the first time, Cordelia decided that if she ever met
one of those "Powers that Be" that she would grab the
nearest sledgehammer and show them exactly what their
"gifts" felt like.
Pain flared through her skull as images flashed before her
eyes. A demon, some sort of a disease? A warehouse.
She cried out, then gratefully sank back against her sofa as
the vision suddenly ceased.
She painfully reached for the phone. "Ohhh, why can't the
PTB use a cell-phone like everyone else?"
* * *
+ + I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-
soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. + +
Alex had just finished wiring the warehouse with C-4 when
he became aware that he was being followed. He stiffened
slightly, then forced himself to relax and not give away the
fact that he knew that he was being followed. He walked
away casually, turning a corner. When his stalker followed,
he pounced.
³Why are you following me?² he demanded, pinning his
stalker against the side of the building.
The other man struggled uselessly against his hold. One
armed or not, Alex knew that he was damn strong. "I am
not following you!" he protested indignantly, his British
accent giving his words a dignity that others may not have
been able to pass off.
Alex scoffed at that. "How could I be following you when you
were following *me*?"
"I *wasn't*..." The man broke off his words, looking over
Alex's shoulder. "Angel!" he exclaimed, relief clearly visible
on his face. "Do tell this madman that I was *not* following
him..."
Alex glanced warily over his shoulder, still keeping a hold of
the stalker, and found himself staring at the most beautiful
man he had ever seen.
*Damn,* he thought, unable to tear his gaze away.
And from the equally hungry look he was receiving in
Return, it seemed that he wasn't the only one who was
Affected.
*Maybe L.A.'s not so bad after all...*
* * *
+ + As I let go my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my
inner sociopath. + +
Angelus stared at the sleeping mortal in his bed and
smirked happily.
After they had blown up the warehouse containing both the
doomsday virus and the demon who had stolen itit
seemed that the bastard *could* die after allAngel and
Alex had retired to Angel's bed for a little post-destruction
celebration. Alex had quickly proved that assassinations
were not his only skills, and Angelus had found himself
returned to his body once more.
He grinned. *Bet Soul-Boy didn't expect this to happen.*
* * *
+ + I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the
ones that are someone else's fault. + +
"This all your fault."
Lindsey growled deep in his throat, neatly snapping a
pencil in two to release some of his tension. He wished
that it had been Lilah's neck instead.
"It's *your* fault," he snarled back. "You were the one that
hired that demon to steal the virus!"
"You were the one who swore that Angel wouldn't interrupt
our deal!" she hissed, her eyes flashing. "And look what
happened!"
"How was I to know that someone had hired an assassin
to destroy the virus? He was the one who led Angel to the
warehouse, not me, Lindesy answered furiously.
"Am I interrupting anything?"
* * *
+ + A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution
to the problem. + +
Both Lindsey and Lilah froze at the sound of their boss'
voice. "He did it," they said in unison, pointing their fingers
in the direction of Bob, the office boy. Bob froze in terror.
The senior partner entered the office, a faint smile of
amusement curling his lips. "Really?" he said, leaning
against the wall. "I just want to congratulate you two on
making Angel lose his soul. Hiring that assassin was a
fine piece of work."
"Ah, thank you, sir," Lilah replied, sounding as dazed as
Lindsey felt.
Lindsey sank back into his chair, blinking in surprise.
*Angel lost his soul?* He thought for a moment about
everything that he had ever read about Angelus, the
Scourge of Europe. *Is that really a *good* thing?*
* * *
+ + I will honor and express all facets of my being,
regardless of state and local laws. + +
It was definitely time to paint the town red. Literally.
Finally, Angelus was free of that pesky soul and the
conscience it came with. No more guilt and brooding for
him. The real question was where to start. There were so
many options.
Wait a minute, he knew exactly where to go first. There were
two certain lawyers he wanted to thank personally for his
new soulless state.
Angelus grinned. It was going to be a fun night.
* * *
The End
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